Ready For Retirement
Ready For Retirement
Here's How To Discuss Money Effectively With Your Parents
Meet Ari Taublieb 👋 If you didn’t already know, Ari and I work together at Root Financial, and we thought it was finally time to launch a podcast series together.
In our very first episode, we dive into a topic that many people shy away from: talking to your parents about money. Whether it’s discussing their estate plans, long-term care, or the tough conversations around wealth, these talks can feel awkward—but they’re absolutely essential.
In this episode, we break down:
▪️ Our personal stories and insights on how to approach these conversations
▪️ Tips for handling these talks with grace and understanding
▪️ Strategies to ensure peace of mind for everyone involved
If you’ve ever felt uncertain about talking money or navigating estate planning with your parents, this episode is for you.
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On the Ready For Retirement podcast: Apply Here
On a Retirement Makeover episode: Apply Here
Timestamps:
0:00 - Ari and James
2:03 - A listener's question
5:54 - Approaching parents
9:26 - Focus on the parent's needs/desires
11:13 - Start with long-term care
14:33 - Initiating conversations
18:03 - Have questions? Ask!
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Hey, Ari, how you doing. I'm doing awesome. James Happy to be here. This has been a long time coming, Maybe four years to be exact. Yeah, Now that we think about it, I think it's actually been exactly four years since, and I guess this is a new segment, a new show, starting off in a way where people are probably thinking what on earth are you talking about?
Speaker 1:You've had a podcast, Ari. I've had a podcast. We both have YouTube channels. A lot of people come to us and they say, hey, I follow James or I follow Ari. I had no idea the two of you actually work together, are the same thing, are root financial and we are for people who don't know. And we figured why not start doing a joint show as opposed to, yes, we both have our individual channels. Ari has the early retirement show, James has the ready for retirement show. We're also going to do this. We know the name. I don't know if you have something creative already that you want to come up on the fly, but we want to prioritize getting more stuff out to more people, because a lot of the stuff we've done has resonated with some really great people.
Speaker 2:I don't have a great name yet. I'll think of one, and if it comes up during the show I might just interrupt and go. James, this is the name, but as of now I don't have anything yet. I'm just happy to do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too, and if you have a name for us, leave it in the comments. Ari goes on live on YouTube quite a bit, so this is going to live on quote unquote, my YouTube channel for right now. So there's the James Canole channel. There's the Ari Taublieb channel. We both have the own podcast. We're going to distribute this to each other's podcast, like we're just going to same thing. We'll be on Ari's podcast, we'll be on James's podcast. This will also live on this channel.
Speaker 1:So if you are listening to this and have not subscribed to Ari's stuff, make sure you do so. We'll include a link in the show notes, but it's Ari's name, ari Taublieb. And let's jump in because we do work together, ari. It's been four plus years now, which has been awesome, and we do a lot of great work for a lot of great clients, and the goal of this is just to say how can we pull common conversations or themes or topics or challenges and help people who are going through similar things make better decisions with their money. So where do you want to start on this first episode of our joint show?
Speaker 2:First episode. So we're going to start with a big one, and the big one that I want to start with was left from a comment, and this is how, by the way, for everyone watching slash listening right now, this is how we are planning on running this show, but I always like to say this is your show, where you get to host it, but we want to do what's best for you. So this was a comment that was left by John Lichtenfeld, if I'm saying that correctly. I hope I am my last name's Taubly, but I've gotten Tabooli Talatubby, so you guys make fun of me if I said it incorrectly. 4835, who says look all right.
Speaker 2:When you went live recently, I really enjoyed the part where you discuss what to do with parents' wealth after they move on. Would love to see an episode based on discussing this topic with elderly parents, questions for them and broaching the subject, and I thought this would be a powerful place to start, because James has seen many situations where people are like yeah, I don't know how I talk to my parents with money. I've seen those situations and we want to give you this insight and we could easily not do this and I think most of you wouldn't be mad at us, where you're like, why haven't you guys brought this up? But I think we would be doing you a disservice. So we want to discuss how do you approach a conversation with a parent or a friend, or that conversation that you know is just difficult, that you don't want to bring up, and hopefully we can shed some light for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it depends. Depends upon a few things. Do you remember, ari, your first conversation with your parents about money?
Speaker 2:The first conversation with my parents I honestly even you saying that right now my first conversation was like hey, why are we so stressed about money all the time, like I thought that we were good because I see, you guys, you know we have cars and I hear other people don't have cars and we're here in Malibu, which is an affluent area, yet still there's not this freedom around money. So I don't remember approaching them going, hey, what the heck's going to happen when you guys die and I inherit this money? Am I going to inherit this money? So I don't recommend or recall a direct conversation, but I just remember stress in the household and saying I don't want to talk about money.
Speaker 1:I guess that's what I'm? Yeah, was money talked about freely in terms of how much there is or isn't, how, what it looks like parents intentions it's not discussed in most households it's it's. It's commonly not discussed, I remember it. In most households it's commonly not discussed. I remember it. I remember my parents were very good.
Speaker 1:Dave Ramsey is like a hot topic in the financial world. Either love him or you hate him. I remember my parents found his book, the Total Money Makeover, and it changed a lot of things, which was awesome. It was like okay, here's some structure around how we budget. And he has something called the zero-based budget. And one thing I really appreciated is my mom would show me like here's our budget, here's how we're actually starting to track income coming in, expenses that go out, and they were so diligent about that and also showed it to me and it just it made me appreciate more things about like, oh it's, it's, there's something to actually managing money, and by managing money I'm not just talking about a portfolio, but the budget, the everything, and so we.
Speaker 1:I think that was so healthy because from a young-ish age I don't remember how old I was, maybe early teens it wasn't taboo, it wasn't weird to talk about it. It was like, hey, here's actually how we're budgeting and when you get your allowance or when you earn your paycheck from your smoothie king job in high school, whatever you're doing. It's like here's how you actually can track things and get a grip on things, and that was so helpful. But a lot of people don't have that. A lot of people have never talked to their parents about money and now, all of a sudden, parents are aging and I forget exactly the listener's name or the commenter's name who submitted that. How do you recommend talking to parents about that, assuming you probably don't have an already open, free-flowing conversation going, or even channel open? How how would you think about that? All right, how would you approach parents to talk about that, assuming nothing's already in place?
Speaker 2:Well, it's easy because every parent's the same? No, they're not. It's not easy, and so definitely don't just go for it. And I think some people will really be stressed, even hearing us say this, like some of you are listening, watching right now going. Why do I feel stressed? I haven't even spoken to my parents yet, I've even thought about it until right now, and now I feel stressed and some of you guys might be tense. I'm even a little tense. When James first said hey, when was your first conversation with your parents about money? I'm like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're bringing back feelings of like, oh my gosh stress in the household. So some of you guys, I recognize, have stress and once again, we are not doing this to stress you out, we're doing this so that you go out. I am grateful that I at least took the time to think about how to do this so that I do it properly. Am grateful that I at least took the time to think about how to do this so that I do it properly. So, whenever it comes to anything specifically on the emotional side which is really anything to do with money, in this particular topic of how do you approach that conversation, my mom had a creative idea that I'll often share with clients. I won't say you have to do it, but it's my job, as I see it, to say here's a bunch of options. Any of these resonate with you, and if someone says yeah, I don't know if that resonates, it means it doesn't, because if it resonates, it should be easy. So sometimes it's as simple as going to your mom's best friend and saying has my mom ever told you about money? Give me all the details. No, don't say that, but go to Go to your mom's best friend and say, hey, do you guys ever talk about stuff like that? What do you think? You're close to my mom in a different way, so what do you think if I were to bring up a conversation about? Do we have a will set up or do we have a trust, or do I even know where to log in, like what's my mom's iPhone password? Sometimes keeping it loose like that can be helpful, and sometimes this will happen with me no-transcript.
Speaker 2:One surf trip, and try to remember your surf trips. What would you want me to do, rather than me saying, hey, dad, if you were to pass away and I get all this money, isn't that just the greatest? That's wrong, it doesn't sit well and that's, I think, the worry for most of you and James, tell me if you think I'm wrong, even here in this. But I think many of you guys listening right now are worried. When you approach this conversation, your parents are going to be like, ooh, are you hoping I pass away? Or you know what's the deal here. We never talked about money. So that's my first kind of gut check on this. But how would you approach it?
Speaker 1:Well, I think that it's the acknowledging of. There's a lot of times where both the parent wants to speak about it and the child wants to speak about it, but there's that awkwardness of who's going to bring it up first. It's kind of like the guy wants to ask out the girl and the girl wants to be asked out by the guy, but neither of them feel it's like you kind of have to just do it, and sometimes it doesn't go great, sometimes it does, but it's such an important thing and you do have to tread lightly. You do have to approach it the right way, because if you come at it from the standpoint of hey, how much am I going to get when you die, that's a pretty horrible feeling to give your parents of hey, I'm just waiting for you to pass, so I get that Vers versus if it's coming from a standpoint of how can we make sure that, first and foremost, you're going to be okay and you're going to be cared for for the duration of your life? Secondarily, how do we make sure that you get the most life out of this? You know there's so many parents who they save and save and save and they sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice because they want to leave money for their kids and their kids Like I don't want you to like I want you to live, I want you to take that trip You've never taken. It would give me so much more joy for you to take that trip to do those things then to leave me a few more dollars.
Speaker 1:And I think that and I've got you know I can speak to this from client situations, from family situations, all this stuff of there can be a disconnect between the desires of called the older generation and what the younger generation wants, and it's not always the younger generation wanting money, it's the younger generation wanting to see the older generation cared for and fully living.
Speaker 1:But I think one thing that we have to appreciate and recognize is like, if I think of my grandma, she grew up in the great depression, like her, her the way she thinks about money is going to be entirely different than the way I think about money, and so it's kind of acknowledging some of those generational differences. And then it is approaching it in a way that starts with hey, is there anything that you want me to know? Is there anything that, as you get older, you want to make sure that I know, either as a caretaker or an executor or just anything, to make sure that your wishes are carried out in the best possible way. So I think, kind of asking one of those very I don't know, easy initial questions not even easy, but it's not going to write for the how much money do you have and how you can distribute it when you're done? Agreed, agreed, two thoughts. How can we honor your wishes both while you're here and once you've passed?
Speaker 2:Yeah, go ahead. Love that. Okay, two thoughts. I just had to chime in, james, because I talked to your grandma and she told me she wants you to put everything that you inherit into NVIDIA Once. Into NVIDIA Once again. Not my wishes, just hers, okay, no.
Speaker 2:So that probing question or that easy question, whatever you want to call it. To start the conversation, I am not going to say the client's name, but we work with someone right now that says Ari, yeah, you guys helped with the financials and the tax planning and the withdrawal, but the document side of things that's like a whole nother world. And I've been with my parents in long-term care and just the hassle of seeing other families not get things in order creates more stress than what's the asset allocation I need to have. And so I asked them hey, how did you approach that conversation with your parents? And they told me it was by starting with long-term care and asking what does that ideal like stage of life look like? And for some it's in a community center, for others it's I want to stay in my home, and they said that opened up the conversation into discussing money easily. So that's how they started. Have you seen any situations like that or different that you think people might I think that's a great idea.
Speaker 1:you need that low I don't know what the right word is for it but that low stakes question of just. I'm just going to probe a bit here and I'm going to gauge your response of how open are you to this conversation. Because in a perfect world we would acknowledge that, hey, money, money has the power to do amazing things for you and for future generations. It has the power to tear families apart and unfortunately we've seen that too Families in litigation, families in lawsuits, families that don't talk to each other anymore, that were great families beforehand because no one could bring themselves to say well, how do we talk about money, how do we talk about money with our parents without seeming like we're trying to get our greedy little fingers on what you have? And the reality is most people, that's not their intention. Their intention is to protect the lifestyle of parents, for life's to, for parents to do what they want to do, but then to make sure that there's even just open communication.
Speaker 1:I'll give you an example, another example, of a client worked with in the past. The grandma, the matriarch, had this vision of oh, I'm going to buy real estate and this real estate is going to be this income producing things and it's just going to be such a beautiful thing for my children and grandchildren. But there's some conflict with some of the children and some of the grandchildren and things weren't managed well and all the children and grandchildren, like we, don't want that. Like we, the worst thing in the world for us would be to inherit property from you and have to be kind of like co-owners or manage it with siblings that we have some conflict with. And beyond that, we want you to live.
Speaker 1:Stop sacrificing, stop living this poverty-like lifestyle that you don't have to live just because you think you're bestowing this incredible gift on us. So like there's just a disconnect. If it was so important to the grandma to do that, to be, and it was like her, her dream for so long, um, but some you know, just recognize you're gonna have those challenges. But at least starting the conversation is going to go a long way and, okay, can we put a plan in place? Can we make sure that you're good while you're here and your family's good and still loves each other and gets along in? What you leave or don't leave continues to be a blessing well after you're gone?
Speaker 2:I have a potential name for our new show James. I don't know if it's perfect, but maybe it's the initiators, because right now I'm thinking of two 10-year-olds going. Hey, we kind of like each other. Should we ask each other out? Just the example you thought of? And it's the younger generation not possibly talking to the older generation when both want the same thing. I'm really lucky.
Speaker 2:I get to talk to a lot of people that reach out to Root and in that conversation I'll ask them what is your estate plan? And they're like I already got it down. You know, they give me a little attitude sometimes and I'm like great, like what is it? They go I have a trust and I have a will and I have medical directives. I say that's cool.
Speaker 2:What's your estate plan? And they're like I just told you I go. No, you just told me about a bunch of documents. What's your estate plan? And they're like huh, I'm like what's your plan to not be 95 years old in a beautiful facility with your children fighting about which real estate property they're going to get? And they're like oh, no, no, maybe I don't have an estate plan and I go. Well, there's different levels to planning and it's our goal to say, okay, great, yes, you have a trust and will, but one. Do you know what that means? And where do you log in? And what about taxes? And so love that example there. I'm literally thinking right now of someone who wants to initiate the conversation but doesn't know how. So I'm hoping this episode and these thoughts might just spark that one thing that makes you go yeah, I'm going to bring this up with my parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought you, uh, initiators I just think of the Nate Dogg and Warren G song regulators and that too and I switched it up to initiators. Yeah, I think that's great and I think this is the point of it is the state planning these conversations? There's not a perfect way to do it. There's not a formula to follow. It's not like a Roth conversion where you can do a calculation and fill up a bracket and it's just a spreadsheet thing. It's. This is the prompting, this is the nudging to say have these conversations. They can be challenging, they can be hard, but if you don't do it, it leads to so much heartache and broken relationship and missed opportunity of what could have been on the backend. So that's it. And, like already saying, a state plan goes beyond just having a trust. It goes into what you talked about. It also just goes into, like, the practical things of where would I find your password? Do you have a password keeper that someone else has access to?
Speaker 1:If you become incapacitated or have dementia or pass away, whatever the case might be, Do you have certain collectibles or valuables or things that are sentimental to you that you want to give to a certain person? That aren't just part of the trust to get sold and distributed. But maybe you want to gift those to someone. I've had people gift food collections. I've had people gift gun collections. I've had people give like all kinds of things that are cool to them, that aren't super valuable, but they hold this sentimental thing. That aren't super valuable but they hold this sentimental thing. It was important to them to know that that was gonna be passed on to family members, friends, whoever it was that would appreciate that. So this is one of those episodes where we're not getting super into the nitty gritty about the specific estate provisions and designations, as much as just the initiation. As you're saying. They're prompting to say really important conversations to have and please make sure that you're having those.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we all know James's grandma's passwords and video, but we don't know your guys' passwords, so you guys need to go ask your parents. Where do I log in? How do I think through this? So agreed, james, not going to be the exact episode on the estate exemption changes that are coming up, but we want this to be something that you guys take action on. My goal, same with James, is that you guys take away something from every episode, whether it be financial, clear takeaway, like the Roth conversion of it we're converting to this bracket. Here's why other times an episode like this. So we do rely on your feedback for what you guys want to hear. Anything else you offer today, james, is that, yeah, this, this show like.
Speaker 1:Just to go back to what we started with, ari's got his podcast early retirement. I have a podcast, the ready for retirement podcast. You have your YouTube channel, I have my we. This is different. If we want to say, let's, let's, the two of us have conversations, not about what you think is super important or valuable, not even what I think is super important or valuable but what are people asking questions about. And so if you're listening and have questions, make sure that you're watching this on YouTube and start leaving comments, because that's where we're going to. The question we started with today was pulled from a YouTube comment. Go to this video, leave comments. You can also listen to this on Ari's podcast and my podcast. It's going to be the same exact thing, but it just pushed out each of those podcast RSS feeds and that's it.
Speaker 1:And I think that Ari will have to tell the story of how we began working together at some point and what that journey has been like and kind of our long-term goals and vision and what Root Financial is doing, just because there's some cool stuff happening and this is just kind of the tip of some of that of helping to get in front of more people and provide high quality hopefully financial guidance. I'd love to tell that story. See you next time, Awesome. See you, ari. Root Financial has not provided any compensation for, and has not influenced the content of, any testimonials and endorsements shown. Any testimonials and endorsements shown have been invited, have been shared with each individual's permission and are not necessarily representative of the experience of other clients. To our knowledge, no other conflicts of interest exist regarding these testimonials and endorsements. Once again, I'm James Canole, founder of Root Financial, and if you're interested in seeing how we help our clients at Root Financial get the most out of life with their money, be sure to visit us at wwwrootfinancialpartnerscom.
